The Introduction page for your storybook is great! I love the approach you are taking on having the zoo animals tell the stories. I think its a great approach to the Aesop tales. I think having the ending with the elephant (one of the old wise animals) as the storyteller to spark the interest in the other animals was a great way to introduce the stories. One comment I have is to maybe try and find another word for the word "things". For instance, instead of saying "the animals would make up stories based on things they had overheard," you could say that they would make up stories based on unique events they had seen, or outrageous comments they had overheard. Later in the paragraph, when you say "very appreciative of the friends they had to help them through things," you could change things to rough times or the perils of zoo life. As I was reading, I just noticed the word things being repeated and thought you could liven the introduction up with some more vivid word choice. Overall, I love the approach you are taking with the stories and can't wait to see how it will go. You mentioned on the introduction page that you are going to write a paragraph to introduce the first story. I think this is a great idea! Will the other stories have a paragraph at the end to introduce the next? I think this could be a great approach to have the stories blend together with the elephant transitioning to the next story. I will definitely check back to see how it goes!
At first when I started reading your introduction, I was worried that this was going to be the story of the zoo animals that somehow learn to talk once all of the guests go home like in Madagascar. But I really like the way you went with it that instead of the animals wanting to escape the zoo, they're basically telling scary stories about the outside world. I enjoyed that the photo on your cover page is of a real zoo because it made the story more believable. I was a little confused in the story about the bat and the weasels because one weasel says that birds and weasels are enemies while the other says that mice and weasels are enemies. Are there different types of weasels in your story who have different prey? Also, why didn't the bat just explain that she was a bat to both weasels if bats and weasels weren't enemies? Just something to think about. I liked how in your author's note, you explained that you wanted to give the bat a backstory. I appreciate that because one of my main problems with fables in general is that I feel plopped right into the situation without any context. Good job with your story so far!
When I got to the homepage, the first thing that caught my attention was the webpage layout. I really like the colors that you chose for the background and the banner. I think the bright pastel blue of the background and the light tan of the banner go perfectly together, and are really fitting for a tale about the zoo. The ripples in what appears to be sand in the banner also kind of looks like an animal paw print. How cool! I do however, think that the homepage image could be a bit larger. It's perfectly visible as is, but I think if it took up more of the page it might be more appealing.
Your introduction to your storybook was fantastic. I really like the idea of the animals themselves telling the fables of Aesop. With all the bad interactions between animals in Aesop's fables, it would definitely be fitting as a cautionary tale for animals as well. The imagery you made in this introduction was great as well; I could really envision what was happening at the zoo. The line about "parents led their children... where their minivans and hybrid cars were waiting for them" made me laugh! There is some definite truth in that.
Your introduction reminded me of the movie Madagascar! It was very fun to imagine all of the zoo animals “coming to life” after the humans leave, just as in the movie. Based on this, I’m not completely sure what theme your stories are going to have yet. Maybe the elephant will be telling all African tales or maybe this will just be a random assortment of stories about animals? I think your website colors look good and the text is easy to read on the green background. One recommendation I do have is to possibly bump up the font size a couple points.
Your story takes an interesting point of view and portrays a feeling of family between the animals in the zoo and that they would all stick up for each other, unlike animals in the wild. The additions you made to the original story do good to give it lots of character. I liked your use of adjectives to help describe how the bat was feeling too. You also did good to concentrate more on the story itself than the animals in the zoo talking to each other about the story, but maybe a few more additions could be made about what the zoo animals think about all this!
I think your concept is awesome. We've all wondered what happens when we leave a museum or a zoo. I mean, who really knows what goes on whenever the humans leave? Maybe they actually do share stories and hang out! Also, the fact that you made it a real zoo, not a made-up one, makes the story even more engaging. I like your choice of an elephant as your narrator as well. Somehow elephants have always seemed wise to me, so it definitely makes sense to me that your elephant is the wisest of the zoo animals. The layout of your storybook was nice too. It was clean and simple which I really appreciate. I kind of wish you'd put a picture in your introduction, but that's really the only thing missing I'd think.
Your first story about the weasel and the bat was great. You did an awesome job of expanding on the fable by including the back story and some dialogue. I like that you noted that it is kind of a role reversal for the weasel and the bat. Weasels definitely carry the stereotype of being the sneaky, deceptive one. So, I thought it was a nice change of pace that the bat was the crafty one in this story. Also, I really like that the elephant gave some commentary throughout the story. It was a nice addition.
Hey Melanie, I just wanted to take a few minutes to say thank you for all of the positive feedback you've left on my blog posts these past 7 weeks. While constructive criticism is always useful, it's nice to have people let you know that they liked a particular story you posted or perhaps something they read on the introduction that sounded interesting or demonstrated a common interest. Thank you so much!! I hope you have a great semester!!
Hey Melanie! Thanks for your recent comment regarding the first story in my storybook. I had a couple other people mention the pictures on my home page so I went ahead and changed it. You also did good to catch another typo I had, so thanks for being good at editing and actually telling me about it on top of that!
Let me just start by saying wow! Your introduction is so powerful and I have only just read the first two sentences! It was that second sentence of yours that actually made me stop just so I could tell you how much I love it. What I really enjoy about your introduction is that you kept it short (but not too short) and concise. It was a very interesting way to introduce how exactly the animals begin telling their stories. I was a little confused because I was not completely sure if the animals left their cages and got together or if they stayed in their cages. Choosing the elephant to begin the storytelling was great symbolism since often time’s elephants are seen as wise and noble, and they never forget. Wow! Again with that second powerful sentence, only this time it is in your story! I think it is those awesome descriptive words of yours. The interruption was very interesting. Often times we forget that we interrupt ourselves in the middle of our stories to explain things or give our own opinions on the matter. This use of an interruption is an excellent example of real world storytelling versus the uninterrupted versions we hear in children’s books and cartoons. I really enjoyed the entirety of your story. It was very well written and incredibly enjoyable! I look forward to reading more of it in the future.
I was just reading back through the comments on my Comment Wall, and wanted to thank you for the feedback you gave me! Even though I have not got around to changing up my heading format like you suggested, I still really appreciate the opinion.
Also, I am looking forward to reading your storybook project since you are also writing about Aesop’s fables!
Melanie, Thank you for your comment on my Week 5 storytelling assignment. A lot of people commented on the brutality of the death of the little boy. This made me think about clarity in my writing, because I had intended the little boy to be a grown man at the time of his death.
Hi Melanie, I am going to comment on your storybook site. I will be making comments on the layout of your site as well as the content of your site. First and foremost when I initially clicked on to you site. I thought you did an amazing job in terms of the use of image. I think that clicking on your page it really compliments the title of your story book it really gives the readers a zoo like feeling. It sort of reminds me of the type of brochures or leaflets you may find at a zoo. So good thinking on that. Reading your introduction, I also like how it was a story about the animals in the zoo and their coming together in the places after a long day. I like how you have given the animals a human like initiative in the way that they discuss silly things people did. As this is something we humans do after a long day at school or work or just life encounters. I also like how your introduction ends with the elephant gathering the animals around together (sort of like story time) I think it was very smart how you story book is going to flow as all these different stories that are being told by the elephant.
Melanie, the layout of your storybook is so simple but alluring! I love that you chose a picture of the entrance of the Smithsonian Zoo for your cover page; it makes me feel like I'm actually entering the zoo and the stories to follow (and I also love this because the Smithsonian Zoo is so wonderful and it brings back fond memories of when my family and I have visited in the past :-)). You made a good choice of color scheme too: the pastel blue reminds me of innocence and playfulness, and this accentuates the themes of the animals' friendships and the stories that they tell each other.
As for the first actual story, you did a great job retelling it, and it was very well written. I had never read the original story before, but from your author's note and your actual storytelling, the main points came across clearly. The original fable certainly is very short, and it is sometimes difficult to expand very much on a story, but you did it effectively. I thought that the background that you added, as well as the elephant's interjections, were very clever and well done. The elephant (and you) are great storytellers!
Overall, you did an amazing job! I can't wait to read more of your work.
Hey Melanie, I have to say that I really enjoyed your layout and your story. I thought it was great that you did a great job with the retelling of your first story and I also really liked you introduction and cover page. I think it is great that you are using a zoo that we are somewhat familiar with and I really like the image you used on your coverage. It made me del like I was really there at the zoo and I could almost feel myself walking through the zoo and seeing these animals! Good Imagery. :)
I think your introduction really gave me a good sense of what your stories were going to be like! I love your theme overall. I think it is a very good choice to create stories based on animals at the zoo. I think I have often wondered what the animals do at night and this provides me with a very satisfactory idea :). I think you are doing a great job... keep up the good work!
Hi Melanie! I really enjoyed the idea of your storybook! Animals are so fun to adapt into stories, and you've done it really well. I'm from the Indian Epics class, so it's a lot of fun to read a variety of stories. I'm glad I read yours! Your design was really great; I used a similar format for mine, but I really liked the color and font you chose. It fit the light zoo theme really well. You led into your theme of animals in the wild and the tough world out there really well. I like how you showed the process of the animals asking to hear about other animals. It was also a great detail to make the elephant the storyteller, as they are often portrayed as the animal that doesn't forget. I liked your first story about the bat; it really fit your theme, and you fleshed it out well with background and dialogue. It was fun to read about how a little animal could outsmart the weasel but also learn to be prudent in the world. It would've been nice for you to emphasize the moral in your author's note and maybe how it might apply to the reader's life, as fables usually teach morals. Also, Betty is such a cute name for a bat! Great job!
Hi Melanie! I'm commenting about your storybook. I have to say, I really liked the concept. I like the positive spin you put on the whole idea of a zoo culture. Many portrayals of zoos from the animals' perspective have somewhat of a prison aspect, so it was a nice change to see more a community aspect in which the animals are grateful for their security rather than resentful of their captivity. I really like how organized and neat everything on your page seemed as well. I completely understand what you mean about getting bare bones from your original story and then having to embellish quite a bit. I think you've done a great job, though, especially with adding characterization. I think that's a really solid go-to for plot embellishment when you're given not a whole lot to work with - creating depth within the characters which will add to the overall moral of the story. The bat and the weasel story was my favorite - I love how you pointed out the reversal from the weasel typically thought of as crafty and clever to being easily fooled. I think you've got a great concept and the lack of much detail in your original fables will give you a lot of room to be as creative as you want to be! Great job!
So I have started to read your storybook and I am so excited! The very beginning of your introduction makes me laugh because it is exactly what is happening right now in Oklahoma! Then again, we don't normally get a "fall" here... We get summer, a warmer-ish winter, and then WINTER and then cooler summer. Anyway, it made me laugh! I really like how you set up the story. I'm not sure if I can explain exactly what it is that I like about it, it just makes me happy and excited about your storybook!
I think one reason i like your story is because you have the zoo animals appreciating their lives in captivity. They understand that they are safe. I also liked how the elephant told the story. I could picture a bunch of animals gathered around the elephant enclosure or at the edge of their enclosures to listen to this great, wise elephant. THe only thing I noticed were a couple of missed punctuation marks but that was it.
Excellent job! I can't wait to come back and read more!
Thanks goodness you have avoided having a ton of white space on your coverpage! I know that is harder than it looks, but I assure you it is worth the effort of working out the kinks. If anything, you might see if you can make the image you've chosen a bit bigger so it takes center stage on the coverpage.
When it comes to your introduction, I realized that I had never before considered that animals in the zoo might consider themselves altruistic rather than competitive. I'll be curious to see why you included such a perspective as I continue to read your Storybook.
As you mentioned in the author's note of your first story, you've lived up to the challenge of having to embellish such a short fable. I almost feel bad for Betty because she has to live with such fear for the rest of her life. I guess it fits the theme of the stories that the elephant is telling in which there is much to fear in the outside world. Furthermore, I am surprised that Betty feels bad about lying. In my opinion, it seemed to be the lesser of two evils. It was either lie or give up one's life.
I like the layout of your storybook. The grey font is easy to read against the light green background and the font you chose is great. They overall look of your storybook is easy on the eyes and clean, which is very important because it is what readers see first. So you can think of it as a “first impression” of your storybook.
For your coverpage, I wish the image were just a bit bigger and centered. However, that is more of just a personal preference. As for your introduction, it is very well written. I like your idea of zoo animals telling stories about wild animals. It is a bit humorous to see how zoo animals see wild animals. When I was reading through your introduction, I immediately thought of Toy Story because the animals “come alive” when humans are not around. A nice touch to add to your introduction could be to give certain zoo animals some description like “the wise elephant”, “the proud lions”, or something of that sort.
As for your stories, I liked how you stayed true to the original plots. It can be difficult to image what happens in a story when there are so few descriptions. I felt that you added the appropriate descriptions to really add life to your characters and stories. Both of your stories are well written like your introduction. Keep up the good work!
Melanie, I really like the design you have created for your storybook. It definitely has that African-adventure zoo feeling. I always loved going to the zoo, so I think that is a great theme for your storybook. I also like that your title, “Aesop Animal Pairs”, puts emphasis on both animals in your stories. The site looks very easy to navigate; I think the roman numerals in front of each story title are a nice touch. I enjoyed reading your introduction. It was very organic and set the scene for the stories very nicely. I’m glad the animals at the zoo you’ve created enjoy the comradery of their fellow zoo animals. My wife often feels sad for the animals when we go to the zoo, since some are confined to tight spaces and don’t enjoy a lot of freedom. It’s great that this is not the case for the zoo in your storybook. I read the story of The Bat and the Weasels. I always enjoyed trickster stories. The only suggestion I have is for the second encounter with a weasel. Instead of denying being a mouse and claiming to be a bat, I think that bat should claim to be a bird. This will make it a reversal of the first encounter and also emphasize the fact that a bat is like a bird and a mouse. Overall, I really enjoyed reading your storybook!
Hi Melanie! I remembered reading your storybook back when there was only one story, so I was excited to see that there are two more now! I really liked the story about the water snake and the viper. It reminded me of the dumb fights would happen in middle school where everyone made a circle around two people and egged them on. I think my favorite part of this story is how you manage to portray not just the two animals that the story is about but also the generalized interaction within the whole animal kingdom. I also like that you portray the elephant as somewhat of a father figure when he provides advice at the end of the stories.
The fourth story was well told, just as all the others and I think it was a very good ending to your great storybook. I agree that it would be rather silly for a lion and dolphin to expect to be friends and not encounter any problems, such as one not being able to leave the water! Sometimes these fables are strange though.
The thing I found most interesting about your whole project is that you portrayed the wild as being bad for animals and it almost sounds like the elephant is trying to convince the zoo animals that their captivity is best for them (sounds like communism haha!).
Hi Melanie! I read your storybook a few weeks ago, and I was struck by the successful juxtaposition of the playful nature of the animals and the strong themes in your first story. Because of this, I decided to revisit it, and I am so excited to read more!
In the tale of the water snake and the viper, I thought you did a great job in elaborating on a very short original story. You were very honest in saying that you could be more creative, but I agree with you that these stories are simple to highlight the importance of the morals, and your maintaining the simplicity is charming. I liked that you chose to tell the viper's story--the lesson that he learned is important to keep in mind. Although words of encouragement and affirmation are helpful at times, it is certainly more useful to have the help of one's actions.
The story of the dolphin and the lion fascinated me too. I have mixed feelings about the relationship between the two animals; on the one hand, it is difficult for the dolphin to give advice that completely pertains to the lion's problem because the land and sea are so different, but because he has had similar issues in his own domain, he might have given some tips to the lion to help him, and the lion could have tailored the advice to his own needs. I can definitely understand the lion's frustration and hurt in this situation!
Overall, great job with your storybook! I loved your use of the elephant as the main narrator; it truly drove all the points home. I really enjoyed reading all of your work. :)
I always forget that I have read your storybook and then I find my way back to it and then I get really happy. When I start reading it, I think of Madagascar, but instead of all of the animals escaping, I can imagine them all gathering around for story time to quench their thirst of knowing about the wild. I also really like how you write. I'm not sure exactly what it is, but the way you write just pulls me right into the story! There isn't ever a dull moment and the end of the story is always so shocking because I just don't expect it to pop up so quickly! Anyway, I really loved all of your stories and I am sorry I didn't make it to your storybook more often! I hope you had a great semester and I hope next semester is awesome too!
Hi Melanie! I just wanted to say thanks for your comment on my Sweet and Sour of Love and Strawberries story! I really appreciate what you said a lot! I think you definitely understood what I was trying to convey to readers through my story and the changes that I made. I am glad that we got to “meet” through this class and I hope you have a great rest of the semester!
Melanie, Thank you for your comment regarding my storybook. I appreciated your remarks on my introduction, especially the comment about the placement of the picture. I agree that it does help the transition. Thanks for the encouragement.
The Introduction page for your storybook is great! I love the approach you are taking on having the zoo animals tell the stories. I think its a great approach to the Aesop tales. I think having the ending with the elephant (one of the old wise animals) as the storyteller to spark the interest in the other animals was a great way to introduce the stories. One comment I have is to maybe try and find another word for the word "things". For instance, instead of saying "the animals would make up stories based on things they had overheard," you could say that they would make up stories based on unique events they had seen, or outrageous comments they had overheard. Later in the paragraph, when you say "very appreciative of the friends they had to help them through things," you could change things to rough times or the perils of zoo life. As I was reading, I just noticed the word things being repeated and thought you could liven the introduction up with some more vivid word choice. Overall, I love the approach you are taking with the stories and can't wait to see how it will go. You mentioned on the introduction page that you are going to write a paragraph to introduce the first story. I think this is a great idea! Will the other stories have a paragraph at the end to introduce the next? I think this could be a great approach to have the stories blend together with the elephant transitioning to the next story. I will definitely check back to see how it goes!
ReplyDeleteAt first when I started reading your introduction, I was worried that this was going to be the story of the zoo animals that somehow learn to talk once all of the guests go home like in Madagascar. But I really like the way you went with it that instead of the animals wanting to escape the zoo, they're basically telling scary stories about the outside world. I enjoyed that the photo on your cover page is of a real zoo because it made the story more believable. I was a little confused in the story about the bat and the weasels because one weasel says that birds and weasels are enemies while the other says that mice and weasels are enemies. Are there different types of weasels in your story who have different prey? Also, why didn't the bat just explain that she was a bat to both weasels if bats and weasels weren't enemies? Just something to think about. I liked how in your author's note, you explained that you wanted to give the bat a backstory. I appreciate that because one of my main problems with fables in general is that I feel plopped right into the situation without any context. Good job with your story so far!
ReplyDeleteHello Melanie!
ReplyDeleteWhen I got to the homepage, the first thing that caught my attention was the webpage layout. I really like the colors that you chose for the background and the banner. I think the bright pastel blue of the background and the light tan of the banner go perfectly together, and are really fitting for a tale about the zoo. The ripples in what appears to be sand in the banner also kind of looks like an animal paw print. How cool! I do however, think that the homepage image could be a bit larger. It's perfectly visible as is, but I think if it took up more of the page it might be more appealing.
Your introduction to your storybook was fantastic. I really like the idea of the animals themselves telling the fables of Aesop. With all the bad interactions between animals in Aesop's fables, it would definitely be fitting as a cautionary tale for animals as well. The imagery you made in this introduction was great as well; I could really envision what was happening at the zoo. The line about "parents led their children... where their minivans and hybrid cars were waiting for them" made me laugh! There is some definite truth in that.
Melanie,
ReplyDeleteYour introduction reminded me of the movie Madagascar! It was very fun to imagine all of the zoo animals “coming to life” after the humans leave, just as in the movie. Based on this, I’m not completely sure what theme your stories are going to have yet. Maybe the elephant will be telling all African tales or maybe this will just be a random assortment of stories about animals? I think your website colors look good and the text is easy to read on the green background. One recommendation I do have is to possibly bump up the font size a couple points.
Your story takes an interesting point of view and portrays a feeling of family between the animals in the zoo and that they would all stick up for each other, unlike animals in the wild. The additions you made to the original story do good to give it lots of character. I liked your use of adjectives to help describe how the bat was feeling too. You also did good to concentrate more on the story itself than the animals in the zoo talking to each other about the story, but maybe a few more additions could be made about what the zoo animals think about all this!
Hey Melanie,
ReplyDeleteI think your concept is awesome. We've all wondered what happens when we leave a museum or a zoo. I mean, who really knows what goes on whenever the humans leave? Maybe they actually do share stories and hang out! Also, the fact that you made it a real zoo, not a made-up one, makes the story even more engaging. I like your choice of an elephant as your narrator as well. Somehow elephants have always seemed wise to me, so it definitely makes sense to me that your elephant is the wisest of the zoo animals. The layout of your storybook was nice too. It was clean and simple which I really appreciate. I kind of wish you'd put a picture in your introduction, but that's really the only thing missing I'd think.
Your first story about the weasel and the bat was great. You did an awesome job of expanding on the fable by including the back story and some dialogue. I like that you noted that it is kind of a role reversal for the weasel and the bat. Weasels definitely carry the stereotype of being the sneaky, deceptive one. So, I thought it was a nice change of pace that the bat was the crafty one in this story. Also, I really like that the elephant gave some commentary throughout the story. It was a nice addition.
You're doing an awesome job! Keep it up!
Hey Melanie, I just wanted to take a few minutes to say thank you for all of the positive feedback you've left on my blog posts these past 7 weeks. While constructive criticism is always useful, it's nice to have people let you know that they liked a particular story you posted or perhaps something they read on the introduction that sounded interesting or demonstrated a common interest. Thank you so much!! I hope you have a great semester!!
ReplyDeleteHey Melanie! Thanks for your recent comment regarding the first story in my storybook. I had a couple other people mention the pictures on my home page so I went ahead and changed it. You also did good to catch another typo I had, so thanks for being good at editing and actually telling me about it on top of that!
ReplyDeleteHey Melanie,
ReplyDeleteLet me just start by saying wow! Your introduction is so powerful and I have only just read the first two sentences! It was that second sentence of yours that actually made me stop just so I could tell you how much I love it. What I really enjoy about your introduction is that you kept it short (but not too short) and concise. It was a very interesting way to introduce how exactly the animals begin telling their stories. I was a little confused because I was not completely sure if the animals left their cages and got together or if they stayed in their cages. Choosing the elephant to begin the storytelling was great symbolism since often time’s elephants are seen as wise and noble, and they never forget. Wow! Again with that second powerful sentence, only this time it is in your story! I think it is those awesome descriptive words of yours. The interruption was very interesting. Often times we forget that we interrupt ourselves in the middle of our stories to explain things or give our own opinions on the matter. This use of an interruption is an excellent example of real world storytelling versus the uninterrupted versions we hear in children’s books and cartoons. I really enjoyed the entirety of your story. It was very well written and incredibly enjoyable! I look forward to reading more of it in the future.
Hey Melanie,
ReplyDeleteI was just reading back through the comments on my Comment Wall, and wanted to thank you for the feedback you gave me! Even though I have not got around to changing up my heading format like you suggested, I still really appreciate the opinion.
Also, I am looking forward to reading your storybook project since you are also writing about Aesop’s fables!
Melanie,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment on my Week 5 storytelling assignment. A lot of people commented on the brutality of the death of the little boy. This made me think about clarity in my writing, because I had intended the little boy to be a grown man at the time of his death.
Hi Melanie, I am going to comment on your storybook site. I will be making comments on the layout of your site as well as the content of your site. First and foremost when I initially clicked on to you site. I thought you did an amazing job in terms of the use of image. I think that clicking on your page it really compliments the title of your story book it really gives the readers a zoo like feeling. It sort of reminds me of the type of brochures or leaflets you may find at a zoo. So good thinking on that.
ReplyDeleteReading your introduction, I also like how it was a story about the animals in the zoo and their coming together in the places after a long day. I like how you have given the animals a human like initiative in the way that they discuss silly things people did. As this is something we humans do after a long day at school or work or just life encounters. I also like how your introduction ends with the elephant gathering the animals around together (sort of like story time) I think it was very smart how you story book is going to flow as all these different stories that are being told by the elephant.
Melanie, the layout of your storybook is so simple but alluring! I love that you chose a picture of the entrance of the Smithsonian Zoo for your cover page; it makes me feel like I'm actually entering the zoo and the stories to follow (and I also love this because the Smithsonian Zoo is so wonderful and it brings back fond memories of when my family and I have visited in the past :-)). You made a good choice of color scheme too: the pastel blue reminds me of innocence and playfulness, and this accentuates the themes of the animals' friendships and the stories that they tell each other.
ReplyDeleteAs for the first actual story, you did a great job retelling it, and it was very well written. I had never read the original story before, but from your author's note and your actual storytelling, the main points came across clearly. The original fable certainly is very short, and it is sometimes difficult to expand very much on a story, but you did it effectively. I thought that the background that you added, as well as the elephant's interjections, were very clever and well done. The elephant (and you) are great storytellers!
Overall, you did an amazing job! I can't wait to read more of your work.
Hey Melanie, I have to say that I really enjoyed your layout and your story. I thought it was great that you did a great job with the retelling of your first story and I also really liked you introduction and cover page. I think it is great that you are using a zoo that we are somewhat familiar with and I really like the image you used on your coverage. It made me del like I was really there at the zoo and I could almost feel myself walking through the zoo and seeing these animals! Good Imagery. :)
ReplyDeleteI think your introduction really gave me a good sense of what your stories were going to be like! I love your theme overall. I think it is a very good choice to create stories based on animals at the zoo. I think I have often wondered what the animals do at night and this provides me with a very satisfactory idea :). I think you are doing a great job... keep up the good work!
Hi Melanie! I really enjoyed the idea of your storybook! Animals are so fun to adapt into stories, and you've done it really well. I'm from the Indian Epics class, so it's a lot of fun to read a variety of stories. I'm glad I read yours! Your design was really great; I used a similar format for mine, but I really liked the color and font you chose. It fit the light zoo theme really well. You led into your theme of animals in the wild and the tough world out there really well. I like how you showed the process of the animals asking to hear about other animals. It was also a great detail to make the elephant the storyteller, as they are often portrayed as the animal that doesn't forget. I liked your first story about the bat; it really fit your theme, and you fleshed it out well with background and dialogue. It was fun to read about how a little animal could outsmart the weasel but also learn to be prudent in the world. It would've been nice for you to emphasize the moral in your author's note and maybe how it might apply to the reader's life, as fables usually teach morals. Also, Betty is such a cute name for a bat! Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Melanie! I'm commenting about your storybook. I have to say, I really liked the concept. I like the positive spin you put on the whole idea of a zoo culture. Many portrayals of zoos from the animals' perspective have somewhat of a prison aspect, so it was a nice change to see more a community aspect in which the animals are grateful for their security rather than resentful of their captivity. I really like how organized and neat everything on your page seemed as well. I completely understand what you mean about getting bare bones from your original story and then having to embellish quite a bit. I think you've done a great job, though, especially with adding characterization. I think that's a really solid go-to for plot embellishment when you're given not a whole lot to work with - creating depth within the characters which will add to the overall moral of the story. The bat and the weasel story was my favorite - I love how you pointed out the reversal from the weasel typically thought of as crafty and clever to being easily fooled. I think you've got a great concept and the lack of much detail in your original fables will give you a lot of room to be as creative as you want to be! Great job!
ReplyDeleteSo I have started to read your storybook and I am so excited! The very beginning of your introduction makes me laugh because it is exactly what is happening right now in Oklahoma! Then again, we don't normally get a "fall" here... We get summer, a warmer-ish winter, and then WINTER and then cooler summer. Anyway, it made me laugh! I really like how you set up the story. I'm not sure if I can explain exactly what it is that I like about it, it just makes me happy and excited about your storybook!
ReplyDeleteI think one reason i like your story is because you have the zoo animals appreciating their lives in captivity. They understand that they are safe. I also liked how the elephant told the story. I could picture a bunch of animals gathered around the elephant enclosure or at the edge of their enclosures to listen to this great, wise elephant. THe only thing I noticed were a couple of missed punctuation marks but that was it.
Excellent job! I can't wait to come back and read more!
Thanks goodness you have avoided having a ton of white space on your coverpage! I know that is harder than it looks, but I assure you it is worth the effort of working out the kinks. If anything, you might see if you can make the image you've chosen a bit bigger so it takes center stage on the coverpage.
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to your introduction, I realized that I had never before considered that animals in the zoo might consider themselves altruistic rather than competitive. I'll be curious to see why you included such a perspective as I continue to read your Storybook.
As you mentioned in the author's note of your first story, you've lived up to the challenge of having to embellish such a short fable. I almost feel bad for Betty because she has to live with such fear for the rest of her life. I guess it fits the theme of the stories that the elephant is telling in which there is much to fear in the outside world. Furthermore, I am surprised that Betty feels bad about lying. In my opinion, it seemed to be the lesser of two evils. It was either lie or give up one's life.
I like the layout of your storybook. The grey font is easy to read against the light green background and the font you chose is great. They overall look of your storybook is easy on the eyes and clean, which is very important because it is what readers see first. So you can think of it as a “first impression” of your storybook.
ReplyDeleteFor your coverpage, I wish the image were just a bit bigger and centered. However, that is more of just a personal preference. As for your introduction, it is very well written. I like your idea of zoo animals telling stories about wild animals. It is a bit humorous to see how zoo animals see wild animals. When I was reading through your introduction, I immediately thought of Toy Story because the animals “come alive” when humans are not around. A nice touch to add to your introduction could be to give certain zoo animals some description like “the wise elephant”, “the proud lions”, or something of that sort.
As for your stories, I liked how you stayed true to the original plots. It can be difficult to image what happens in a story when there are so few descriptions. I felt that you added the appropriate descriptions to really add life to your characters and stories. Both of your stories are well written like your introduction. Keep up the good work!
Melanie,
ReplyDeleteI really like the design you have created for your storybook. It definitely has that African-adventure zoo feeling. I always loved going to the zoo, so I think that is a great theme for your storybook. I also like that your title, “Aesop Animal Pairs”, puts emphasis on both animals in your stories. The site looks very easy to navigate; I think the roman numerals in front of each story title are a nice touch.
I enjoyed reading your introduction. It was very organic and set the scene for the stories very nicely. I’m glad the animals at the zoo you’ve created enjoy the comradery of their fellow zoo animals. My wife often feels sad for the animals when we go to the zoo, since some are confined to tight spaces and don’t enjoy a lot of freedom. It’s great that this is not the case for the zoo in your storybook.
I read the story of The Bat and the Weasels. I always enjoyed trickster stories. The only suggestion I have is for the second encounter with a weasel. Instead of denying being a mouse and claiming to be a bat, I think that bat should claim to be a bird. This will make it a reversal of the first encounter and also emphasize the fact that a bat is like a bird and a mouse.
Overall, I really enjoyed reading your storybook!
Hi Melanie! I remembered reading your storybook back when there was only one story, so I was excited to see that there are two more now! I really liked the story about the water snake and the viper. It reminded me of the dumb fights would happen in middle school where everyone made a circle around two people and egged them on. I think my favorite part of this story is how you manage to portray not just the two animals that the story is about but also the generalized interaction within the whole animal kingdom. I also like that you portray the elephant as somewhat of a father figure when he provides advice at the end of the stories.
ReplyDeleteThe fourth story was well told, just as all the others and I think it was a very good ending to your great storybook. I agree that it would be rather silly for a lion and dolphin to expect to be friends and not encounter any problems, such as one not being able to leave the water! Sometimes these fables are strange though.
The thing I found most interesting about your whole project is that you portrayed the wild as being bad for animals and it almost sounds like the elephant is trying to convince the zoo animals that their captivity is best for them (sounds like communism haha!).
Hi Melanie! I read your storybook a few weeks ago, and I was struck by the successful juxtaposition of the playful nature of the animals and the strong themes in your first story. Because of this, I decided to revisit it, and I am so excited to read more!
ReplyDeleteIn the tale of the water snake and the viper, I thought you did a great job in elaborating on a very short original story. You were very honest in saying that you could be more creative, but I agree with you that these stories are simple to highlight the importance of the morals, and your maintaining the simplicity is charming. I liked that you chose to tell the viper's story--the lesson that he learned is important to keep in mind. Although words of encouragement and affirmation are helpful at times, it is certainly more useful to have the help of one's actions.
The story of the dolphin and the lion fascinated me too. I have mixed feelings about the relationship between the two animals; on the one hand, it is difficult for the dolphin to give advice that completely pertains to the lion's problem because the land and sea are so different, but because he has had similar issues in his own domain, he might have given some tips to the lion to help him, and the lion could have tailored the advice to his own needs. I can definitely understand the lion's frustration and hurt in this situation!
Overall, great job with your storybook! I loved your use of the elephant as the main narrator; it truly drove all the points home. I really enjoyed reading all of your work. :)
I always forget that I have read your storybook and then I find my way back to it and then I get really happy. When I start reading it, I think of Madagascar, but instead of all of the animals escaping, I can imagine them all gathering around for story time to quench their thirst of knowing about the wild. I also really like how you write. I'm not sure exactly what it is, but the way you write just pulls me right into the story! There isn't ever a dull moment and the end of the story is always so shocking because I just don't expect it to pop up so quickly! Anyway, I really loved all of your stories and I am sorry I didn't make it to your storybook more often! I hope you had a great semester and I hope next semester is awesome too!
ReplyDeleteHi Melanie! I just wanted to say thanks for your comment on my Sweet and Sour of Love and Strawberries story! I really appreciate what you said a lot! I think you definitely understood what I was trying to convey to readers through my story and the changes that I made. I am glad that we got to “meet” through this class and I hope you have a great rest of the semester!
ReplyDeleteMelanie,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment regarding my storybook. I appreciated your remarks on my introduction, especially the comment about the placement of the picture. I agree that it does help the transition. Thanks for the encouragement.